Switching Places
by eXiLe
Summary: Frodo and Legolas switch bodies... What if Frodo doesn't want to give Legolas his body back... **gasps** FINAL CHAPTER IS UP!!! PLEASE R&R!!!!
1. Chapter 1: Frodo is Legolas

**Hey, bear with me here. I'm bored so I decided to start another story. Please review to tell me if you want another chapter. PLEASE R&R!!!!**  
  
Chapter 1:  
  
Frodo Baggins was walking home with his best friend Sam Gamgee, they had just gotten back from the tavern and they were both a little drunk. It took them awhile to get to Frodo's house, because they both kept falling over each others feet. They spent half their time laughing at the others stupidity, then the other half trying to get up. It was quite entertaining to watch.  
  
"Mr. Frodo... I suggest that you do not walk back to your house by yourself. You might hurt yourself." Sam said, his words were a little slurred.  
  
"Saaam, I won't hurt myself. It's not like I'm going to fall down the hill or anything, WOAH!" Frodo screamed as he fell face forward into a pile of manure.  
  
Sam fell to the ground laughing. Once he realized he was on the ground again he cursed himself. It took him 20 minutes to stand up again. And by that time, Frodo was almost up himself.  
  
Frodo started walking towards his house. He said his good byes to Sam and waddled up the steps into Bag End. He walked into the house and started getting ready for bed.  
  
While he was combing his hair, he looked at himself in the mirror. He REALLY took a good look at himself. "God what I would give to be an elf for just one day." He said to himself.  
  
He pondered with the thought for a little bit, but he laughed it off silently. "There's no way," he said.  
  
He sighed and crawled into bed. And crept off into the dreams... where at least there he can be a tall, graceful, beautiful elf.....  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Frodo woke up with the sun shining bright on his face. `That's odd,' he thought. `There isn't a window near my bed at Bag End. What's up with this?' He then noticed that he didn't have a terrible headache from all the ale last night. He shrugged off the thought and stretched out his limbs. But froze in mid stretch.  
  
His limbs were too long. `What's going on here?' He thought. He hadn't opened his eyes yet, because they were too sensitive to the light. He then noticed, not only that he seemed to feel stretched out, but that there was something resting on his chest.  
  
His eyes flew open, he looked down at his body. It was pure white, and was over 6 feet in length. `This isn't right,' he thought, `I'm not this tall.'  
  
It was then when he also noticed that there was a woman lying against his chest. A very nice muscled chest he had now too. Narrow, but toned to perfection. But this wasn't any ordinary woman laying on him, it was an elf.  
  
Frodo started to panic, "What the hell is happening?" He said aloud. The elf lying on his chest moaned and rolled over onto her other side telling him to shut up.  
  
"Where am I?" He yelled.  
  
"Will you shut up already! You should know where you are! You are in Mirkwood... crazy elf." She muttered.  
  
"MIRKWOOD???!!!" Screamed Frodo. He jumped up from the bed and screamed when he noticed that the body he was in was completely naked. He pulled the sheets off of the sleeping elf and used them to cover himself. Frodo was about 500% freaked out now.  
  
"Who are you?" He screamed at the Elven female. "Are you supposed to be my wife?"  
  
"Oh Lord no, if your wife knew that I was here she would probably have me killed, along with all the other girls you slept with in the past couple of days," the elf mumbled.  
  
"Oh my God!!" He dashed around the room like a crazy person. He tripped occasionally, because he felt like he was flying when he ran. His feet didn't seem to touch the ground at all. He spotted a mirror in the corner and ran over to it. He looked at it and screamed.  
  
"HOLY SHIT I'M LEGOLAS!!!"  
  
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**Hey people. Please review so far. I am a wuss, so don't flame me please. Do you want to see Mr. Legolas' reaction? Please review to tell me. thanks!!! PLEASE R&R!!!!** 


	2. Chapter 2: Legolas is Frodo

** Hey people. Thanks for reviewing! Disclaimer: I do not own any of these people.... Except for Legolas' wife, and maybe all those other girlfriends of his... he's a bad boy isn't he? Lol PLEASE R&R!!**  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Legolas groaned as he rolled over onto his side. Something didn't seem quite right to him. His bed seemed to get harder, it felt like he was lying on a rock. He sighed and licked his lips when he smelled bacon coming from somewhere.  
  
`Oh this has been a wonderful night with....' Legolas thought, "... um... well... whatever her name is... but yes, so wonderful.' He sighed again and rubbed his feet together. He frowned when he felt something hairy near his feet. He tried kicking it away, but then he realized that the hairy thing was connected to his feet, and his eyes flew open.  
  
He looked around the room. He wasn't in Mirkwood anymore, that much was obvious. It looked like he was in a hobbit hole. He was surprised when his vision was a little blurred. He usually had perfect vision, but now everything seemed to be hazy and things in the house were dancing around. His head hurt extremely bad and he felt like he had to throw up. (A/N: poor Leggy has to deal with Frodo's hangover lol)  
  
He tried lifting his head up from the pillow, but he couldn't seem to find the strength to do so. His head seemed to weigh over 500 pounds. So did the rest of his body.  
  
Legolas was beginning to get a little scared. `What is wrong with me?' he asked himself. He gathered up all the strength he could find, and lifted up his arm to look at it. He gasped when he noticed the darker suntanned color of his arm, rather than the pure white of his real arm. He sat up in bed quickly, his hands flying to his hair.  
  
"Oh my God!!! What's wrong with my hair!!" He screamed, as he felt the mop of curls on top of his head.  
  
He screamed when Sam entered his room carrying a pan with sizzling bacon in it, "Good morning Mister Frodo." He said.  
  
"Mr. Frodo!!?? What the hell are you talking about Sam??! I'm not Frodo!! I'm Legolas!!" Legolas cried.  
  
"Uh... you are very much Mister Frodo." Sam said.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you??!" Legolas screamed. He ran over a mirror, "I'm not Fro..... do?" He almost fainted when he looked in the mirror and saw a very frightened Frodo Baggins staring back at him.  
  
"OH NO! ON NO!!" He screamed. "I'm not a dirty hobbit!! I'm not!!! I'm not I'm not I'm not!!!! I'm a beautiful elf, not a dirty hobbit!!" He was running around the room pulling at his hair like a mad man.  
  
"My hair!! It's not supposed to be a dirty little mop of brown curls!!! It's not! It's not! It's supposed to be long, shiny, silky, and BLOND!!!" He screamed again.  
  
"You are not Legolas," Sam said sharply.  
  
"YES I AM! YES I AM! I never liked hobbits!!! I never did!!! I still don't!!! Oh I can't be a hobbit! I can't!!" Legolas continued. He ran over to the wall and started banging his head against it.  
  
Sam backed away from Legolas (Frodo), and dropped the frying pan. He was definitely getting scared now.  
  
"I can't be a hobbit!! I'm a prince of Mirkwood!! Son of Thranduil!! My wife!! I have a WIFE!!! And... a bunch of other female elves!!" He cried. "They won't pay me as much if they see that I'm a hobbit." The elf-turned-hobbit sat down against the wall and began to cry.  
  
"I'm not supposed to be this short. I'M TOO SHORT!!" He wailed. "Oh my God!!! If I'm short... think of how short my... AHHH!!! NO THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!! I want all of my Elven tallness and... bigness back!!!!" He started crying hysterically.  
  
"Why the hell am I Frodo?" He asked himself. "Oh my God!!! If I'm in Frodo's body, that must mean that Frodo is in MY body!! With all it's beautiful Elven equipment!!!! Oh no!!! What if my wife finds out about that other elf in my bed!! What if she finds out about all the others!!!" He gasped. "What if Aragorn finds out about my little fling with Arwen last week!!!"  
  
He stood up again and ran over to the well opposite of the one he was sitting against and started banging his head against this one too, a lot harder than before. But turned around when he started feeling sick. A look of disgust ran through his face as he keeled over and threw up all over the rug.  
  
He stood there and stared at the throw up on the ground, he turned to Sam, "What the hell is that?" He screamed as he pointed to the mess. "I'm not a hobbit! I'm an elf! Elves don't get sick!"  
  
He winced and ran over to the sink and began rinsing his mouth with dirty water. He spit the water out and ran over to the wall again.  
  
"Not fair! Not fair! Not fair! I'm not a hobbit!! I'm not a hobbit! I'm not a hobbit! An elf!! That's what I am!! Not a hobbit! I'm not a dirty hobbit! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not!" He wailed as he banged his head against the wall, trying to release the insanity.  
  
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**Hey all! What do ya think of Mr. Legolas' reaction? Please let me know what you think. I'm actually considering making this longer and actually making it a story. I mean, they have to switch back don't they? Tell me what you think. Should it be a full length story? Let me know. Thankz!! PLEASR R&R!!! ** 


	3. Chapter 3: Don't Want To Give It Up

**Hey all! Thank you so much for reviewing! I didn't think you would like it. I'm going to use blackmail now and I'm going to tell you all that I won't post another chapter until there are exactly 25 reviews! ::hehe:: So it's up to you if you get another chapter!! Anyhoo... read on! PLEASE R&R!!!!**  
  
Chapter 3:  
  
3 hours later....  
  
Legolas sat with his head on Sam's shoulder. He had been crying hysterically for the past couple of hours. He was not going to accept the fact that he was a hobbit. He did not want to be a hobbit. Sam's shirt was almost completely drenched from Legolas' tears.  
  
Sam sat and tried to comfort his friend. He didn't know why Frodo thought he was Legolas. He knew his friend had gone mad. Whenever he would tell Frodo that he was indeed NOT Legolas, it would just make him cry even harder and louder. Surely there were hobbits outside of Bag End wondering what was going on in there.  
  
Legolas looked up at Sam, his eyes were swollen from crying and his face was red and wet from the tears that rolled down it. "You believe me, you believe that I'm Legolas trapped inside this horrible body... don't you?"  
  
"No, Mister Frodo. I do not believe that you are Legolas. And I never will. You are Frodo Baggins. NOT Legolas Greenleaf." Sam told him sternly.  
  
"But I am," Legolas choked out. "I really am." He started crying again and blew his nose on Sam's shirt.  
  
Sam looked down at his ruined shirt and made a disgusted face. "Frodo why the hell are you acting like this? You know perfectly well that you are not Legolas!"  
  
Legolas had enough. "I am indeed Legolas Greenleaf! I am Legolas, youngest son of King Thranduil!!! I am Prince of Mirkwood." He stood up and started kicking Sam. "I am ! I am! I am!"  
  
"Ow! What the hell has gotten into you?" Sam screamed as he tried to block the kicks. "You are NOT Legolas."  
  
"AM TOO!!" Legolas screamed and started kicking Sam even harder.  
  
"ARE NOT!"  
  
"YES!! I!! AM!!" Legolas said, a kick with each of the words said. Each one getting harder.  
  
Sam rolled out of the way and stood up on his shaky hobbit feet. He ran towards the door with Legolas right behind him screaming.  
  
"Get the hell away from me you crazy hobbit!!" Sam screamed. He ran out the door and Legolas slammed it closed behind him.  
  
"CRAZY ELF!! CRAZY ELF!" Legolas screamed to no on in particular. He ran around the house and started throwing things around, still screaming to himself.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Meanwhile*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Damn," Frodo said as he flexed his muscles in the large mirror in the bathroom, "I look good. Would you look at that!"  
  
"Yes, I know how great you look. Why do you think I pay you as much as I do." The female elf from the bed told him.  
  
"OOO! Grrr!" Frodo made scary faces into the mirror as he continues flexing *Legolas'* muscles. "I never knew Legolas was so well endowed."  
  
"I ALWAYS did. Why did you have to marry that trashy whore instead of me Leggy?" She cooed from the bed.  
  
"Uh... I dunno. Maybe you should ask Legolas when he returns." Frodo told her.  
  
Confused look, "Aren't... you... Legolas? If you're not then I guess I'm in the wrong bed." She got up and started to leave.  
  
Frodo stood and watched her leave. "Oh well," he said to himself, "more time to admire my new body." He continued to flex his muscles.  
  
"Yes," he said to himself, "my new body. This is awesome. Replacing that old 50 year old hobbit for this lovely 2,391 year old elf body. What could possibly be any better. Yes, I do not plan on switching back anytime soon. No. Not at all!"  
  
Frodo tore apart Legolas' room trying to find some decent cloths to wear for the day. He finally picked out some leggings, but decided against a shirt. If he didn't wear a shirt, he could show off his new body... and a nice body it was.  
  
He walked out of his room and started walking down the hall with his chest puffed out. He waved at all the female servants he saw. They all dropped the things they were carrying when they saw him without a shirt on, a couple of them fainted. Legolas wandered around the palace for a little while, before finding the dining room. He walked in and sat down at the table.  
  
His father Thranduil was already seated there. He watched his son stroll in a sit down at the opposite end of the table. He stared at him for a little while before speaking, "When you finish your breakfast, you will go up to your room and put a shirt on."  
  
Frodo looked at Thranduil, he put a look of deep concentration on his face before simply saying, "Um... no."  
  
Thranduil slammed down his fist on the table and stood up, trying to intimidate *Legolas*. "You will not say `no' to me boy! I am your father and I know what is best for you and I do not want you to be attacked when people see you half naked!"  
  
Frodo looked at the king calmly, he finally said, "Is there anything good to eat this morning?"  
  
The king growled and threw his napkin on the table. He stormed out of the room and left Frodo (Legolas) smirking to himself.  
  
Frodo sat there and waited for someone to come and offer food to him. In a couple of minutes, a male servant walked up to him, "What would you like for breakfast this morning."  
  
"Eh... what do you have?" He asked.  
  
"Anything you wish," the servant said, a little too happily.  
  
"Anything I wish?" The servant nodded. "Well, well, well, this is going to be better than I thought." Frodo laughed insanely.  
  
"Well, since nothing can hurt my perfect body... it is perfect, right?" Frodo asked, smiling at the servant.  
  
The servant looked at Frodo uneasily, "Well... um... i-it is a v-very `nice' body, not that i-it would b-be any concern of m-mine."  
  
Frodo looked at him and smiled, "Yes I know. Now, I order you to get me everything on the menu! Right away! I wish to have a *very* large breakfast this morning."  
  
"E-e-e-e-everything?" The servant asked dumbfounded.  
  
"YES! EVERYTHING!! Nothing is going to hurt my precious body. Could you believe that I used to be a small dirty overweight hobbit? HAHA! Now look at me!! I'm the most beautiful prince in all the world!!" Frodo screamed. He leaned back in the chair and sighed. "Can you please schedule me for a massage with all the most beautiful Elven females in Mirkwood."  
  
The elf nodded and walked away. Once he was out of earshot, he looked at another servant and said, "Someday, I wish he'd change."  
  
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**Hey all. So... it's starting!! MUAHAHAH!!! Actually... I think I might have the story kinda end up like the book `The Tale of the Body Thief' by Anne Rice. If you've read the book, you know what I mean. ::hehe:: All I can say is... poor Leggy!! Awww! I'm sorry, but the Anne Rice fanatic part of me is coming out, I even made a character similar to `Azim' in another story of mine. LoL. But what can I say? She's my role model. I luv her!! Anyhoo, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!! Remember. The fate of another chapter rests in your hands!!!! ** 


	4. Realizing Life As A Hobbit

**Hey I'm having fun writing this so I'm going to continue. But reviews do help. **winkwinknudgenudge**... anyhoo PLEASE R&R!!!**  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Legolas rummaged through Frodo's house. He was determined to get his sexy body back, no matter what happened, and he was going to Mirkwood to retrieve it. He knew that Frodo wasn't going to give his Elven body back without a fight. He knew that Frodo wouldn't want to switch the beautiful toned body for a dirty chubby hobbit. So he knew that he must be ready to bribe.  
  
It was hard for Legolas to find anything in the house. It was so messy and the poor eyesight of the hobbit didn't help him any. He cursed his hobbit eyes silently and kept looking. When all his things were packed, he stood in front of the mirror again. The same mirror that he saw himself as a hobbit in for the first time.  
  
He reached up with a calloused hand and touched the suntanned face. He wrinkled his nose in disgust when he examined the extremely hairy body of the hobbit. His own Elven body had been relatively hairless, and the fine hairs he did have were light blond and hardly noticeable, unlike the rough dark hair of the hobbit.  
  
Legolas sighed, "What did I do to deserve this?"  
  
"Deserve what Mister Frodo?" Asked a voice from behind.  
  
Legolas whipped around, he moved too fast and his stubby hobbit feet couldn't support the movement, so he fell to the ground. He groaned from the pain in his backside and also from the sight of Sam standing in front of him. "What do you want Sam? Don't you think I'm crazy?" Legolas asked.  
  
"Well, yes, I do believe you've gone mad. But I've come to talk to you," it was then that Sam noticed that his friend was wearing traveling gear. He asked, "If you don't mind me asking, why are you dressed for traveling"  
  
"I'm going to Mirkwood to get my damn body back." Legolas said, he stood up and brushed the dust off his coat. "Dense hobbit, why do you think I'm wearing these clothes." He said under his breath.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing," Legolas said quickly.  
  
"You can't be serious about going to Mirkwood Mister Frodo!" Sam said. Legolas nodded. "Well, foolish idea or no, I'm going with you."  
  
"Fine, come with me you miserable beast of burden! I don't care. Just be ready and back here in no less than 15 minutes or I'm leaving without you." Legolas said sternly.  
  
Sam rushed out the door towards his house. Legolas sighed as he watched him leave. Sam was only going to slow him down. And he wanted to get to Mirkwood as soon as possible. He wanted his body back. There was no knowing what Frodo might do with such a power Elven body as his.  
  
Legolas stood at the door, waiting for Sam, when a horrible thought flashed through his mind. "What if Frodo has too much fun in my body and he doesn't want to give it back at all??!!"  
  
A single tear fell down his face as he thought of living as a hobbit for the rest of it's short life, instead of living forever in a beautiful body like his own.  
  
"Life's not fair..."  
  
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**Hey, yeah. That was pathetically short. I know I know. But if you review enough. There might be more next chapter and it might come out sooner. Muahahah!! PLEASE R&R!!!!** 


	5. I AM LEGOLAS!!!!

**Thank you all for reviewing! You're awesome! Wow… I'm speechless… I really am. ::sniffsniff:: *tear*! Thank you! Please review! Thanks! PLEASE R&R FOR ANOTHER CHAPTER! CONTEST CONTEST CONTEST!!! See end of chapter for details… (**  
  
  
  
**Chapter 5**  
  
  
  
"Ahhh, lower… lower… ahh, there… that's the spot." Frodo groaned. He was in total bliss as the Elven maidens massaged his shoulders and back. He groaned even louder when a pair of hands reached a soft spot on his back. "Ohh, yeah."  
  
Frodo had spent the entire morning enjoying his time as an elf. He didn't waste any time, and he had already claimed another Elven maiden as his own. It seemed that the maidens just ran to him, they all desired Legolas' Elven body… or, HIS Elven body. By this time, he had NO intentions whatsoever to give the body back to Legolas at all. Now that he had the body of an elf, he realized what he missed while being a hobbit. The female hobbits didn't make good… partners. Frodo found it a lot better as an elf, it was harder for hobbits to entwine their limbs together because they were so short. But for elves it was a lot easier, and a lot better.  
  
Frodo looked up at one of the elves and smiled, "You like my body don't you? Don't you want me?"  
  
The female elf snickered. She looked his body up and down and smiled. "Why yes, your highness. Whom doesn't?"  
  
"Certainly not you my dear." He smiled invitingly.  
  
"Not today sir… my pay is low right now at this moment. I am afraid that I wouldn't be able to pay you as well as I've heard you deserve." She said, frowning.  
  
"Damn, well forget you then." He looked away from her gaze and turned to another masseuse and smiled. "What are you doing tonight baby?"  
  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
  
Legolas and Sam began their walk, the horrible thoughts of life as a hobbit kept plaguing Legolas' mind. He knew that he would never get laid while he lived as a hobbit. The thought of abstinence the rest of his life scared him. "Sam? How easy is it for a hobbit to get laid?"  
  
"Ummmm… Mister Frodo? You should know the answer to that. You've been a hobbit your entire life." Sam answered him.  
  
Legolas groaned, "Oh nooo. Sam, I've been trying to tell you for the past day that I am not a hobbit. I am NOT a hobbit. I am in the body of a hobbit now, yes. But I was seriously born an elf. I have been alive for 2,931 years old. I AM AN ELF! Or… I was… until I got stuck in this hobbit body. NO! Wait! I am still an elf at heart, just not physically."  
  
"You know Mister Frodo. I'm thinking you really are mad. I STARTED thinking about it when you first claimed that you were Legolas. But the feeling started getting worse when you were insistent on thinking that you were Legolas. But right now, when you are practically giving me his history… THAT just finalizes it, you are mad!" Sam said.  
  
Legolas and Sam continued hiking down the path. "Sam? What do I have to do or say that will make you believe me?" Legolas asked the hobbit.  
  
Sam stopped and put a thoughtful look on his face. "Hmmm," he thought about it for a couple of minutes. "Tell me something that only Legolas knows and 'Frodo' would have no possible way of knowing."  
  
Legolas thought for a couple of minutes. He sat on the ground, put his head in his hand and tapped his head. "Think, think, think." He mumbled. All of a sudden a large grin burst onto his face. "Eureka!! I know it!" He jumped up and hugged Sam. "YAY!"  
  
"OK? What is it?" Sam asked.  
  
"Ok, do you remember when we were waiting outside Moria and I asked you a question?" Legolas asked. Sam gave him a confused look so he continued. "Well, while we were traveling south towards Mordor, I always noticed how you looked at 'Mister Frodo'."  
  
Sam's eyes widened with understanding.  
  
Legolas continued, "So I, Legolas, asked you, Samwise, if you had any feelings for Frodo-"  
  
"Stop!" Sam pleaded.  
  
"-and you told me, and ONLY me, that you did like 'Mister Frodo' more than-"  
  
"Stop Frodo!"  
  
"-a freaking friend! You told me-"  
  
"I said stop!"  
  
Legolas raised his voice higher, "YOU told me that you wished to bed him!! HAHA!!! THERE! I AM LEGOLAS!! MUAHAHAHAH!"  
  
"Frodo, don't you remember me telling you that when we got back?"  
  
Legolas froze in mid-victory dance. His smile dropped into a frown, he slouched down and almost started crying. "Damn…"  
  
"Awww… It's okay." Sam said comfortingly. He went to wrap Legolas in a hug, but he jumped out of his reach.  
  
"Don't touch me you sick bastard! You belong with that vile elf Jancas!" Legolas exclaimed.  
  
Sams eyes watered up, his lower lip started quivering. "No, not him. Not even the ugliest Orc would want him. Not even Gollum!"  
  
"Well then I suggest you don't touch me!" Legolas told the hobbit.  
  
They started walking towards Mirkwood faster than they were before. Legolsa was still trying to think of a thing to say to Sam to make him believe that he really was Legolas. Suddenly his face lit up. "I got it!" he exclaimed.  
  
"What is it?" Asked Sam.  
  
"Okay…" Legolas began, "… Misty Mountains… November 16… do you remember?"  
  
Sam looked up at him and blinked, not understanding what he was talking about. "…no?"  
  
"Ok, anyhoo… I'll enlighten you dear hobbit. I, Legolas Greenleaf, remember you getting feisty whilst up on the mountain. And you needed someone to comfort you and Frodo wasn't willing at the time…"  
  
Sam gasped. "You wouldn't…"  
  
"And while I was out searching for firewood, I spotted you ad Merry… 'comforting' eachoth-"  
  
"Stop Frodo! You don't know what you're saying!"  
  
"-er! And I promised that I wouldn't tell the rest of the fellowship about the disgusting things I saw or the sickening screams I heard…especially not Frodo." Legolas sneered.  
  
"I said stop it!" Sam bellowed . He reached his hand back and punched Legolas extremely hard right in the nose.  
  
Legolas flopped back and held his bleeding nose. His yelling took a couple of seconds to make its way out of his throat. "Ahhhh! You fucking hobbit prick! What the hell is your problem you little fuck!?" He screamed before he lunged at the frightened hobbit. He started hitting Sam with his weak hobbit arms.  
  
"Stop! You're hurting me Legolas!" Sam screamed.  
  
Legolas stopped his hand in mid-punch at the sound of his name, "What? You believe me now?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Was it the thing about you and Merry?"  
  
No, I told Frodo about that too."  
  
Legolas' face fell. "Then what was it?"  
  
"It was when I punched you."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Whenever I used to hit Frodo, he would start crying and run off into a corner and not come out for a long time. You on the other hand, retaliated against me… and Frodo never did that." Sam explained.  
  
Legolas started laughing. "Thank the gods!" He exclaimed. "Wait! That means I've got a fucking pussy in my body. What if he ruins my reputation?! OH NO!!"  
  
"Well then in that case we must hurry along now. The quicker we get to Mirkwood, the quicker we get you to your original body. I long to see that body of yours again!" Sam said.  
  
Legolas raised an eyebrow. "Oy, that's my body you're talking about. Treat it with respect hobbit."  
  
"Yes Master elf… hobbit… thing…?" Sam wondered which it was.  
  
"Elf, Master Elf." Legolas said. They continued hiking for about 10 minutes in peace until Legolas froze and slammed his hand onto Sam's chest to keep him from going any further. He gasped, his eyes opened wide as he looked at Sam. "I know why we switched bodies!!"…..  
  
TO BE CONTINUED….  
  
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**CONTEST!! CONTEST!! CONTEST!! I need help figuring out why they switched bodies! Please give me your suggestions in your reviews and tell me. I'll pick the best one and use it in the next chapter!!! The prize is… well… you don't really get a prize. You just get your entry thingy in the next chapter! YAY!! If you win, I'll send you an email to tell ya!! ( PLEASE R&R!!!** 


	6. The Mystery Unfolds...

**Hey. Thank you all for your suggestions. I'm sorry I only had to pick one winner and that winner is… Hannah! Yay! But don't worry, there will be another contest thing at the end of this chapter and there will be numerous winners this time… sorry Avelera, sometimes I get carried away with the exclamation points. ::hehe:: enjoy chapter 6! PLEASE R&R!  
  
Personal note to Krum-Luver: I'm sorry if you forgot that this IS a fanfiction. I see your Harry Potter stories aren't exactly 'correct' either. I don't flame you for your imagination, so please… no flames. They're rude. If you didn't like it and thought it was "YUCK!" then why did you read on to chapter 5 and review that chap too…? I don't get it… if you're allowed to change the characters, why can't I? Oh well…  
  
  
  
Chapter 6  
  
  
  
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Legolas and Sam  
  
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"I know how we were switched!" Legolas exclaimed.  
  
"How?" Asked Sam.  
  
"Frodo and I must have made the wish at the same time!" He said excitedly.  
  
"You wished to be a hobbit?" Sam asked skeptically.  
  
"No, no, no. The other night, when I was making out with one of my customers. She made a comment about how small my ass was and I took it personally. So I thought of what it was like to be a hobbit with one of those HUGE asses… no offense."  
  
"None taken."  
  
"Ok, then she asked me what I would wish for right at that moment, and since I had hobbit asses on the mind, I guess it automatically made that my wish. And Frodo must have wished to be an elf at the same time I made the wish about the hobbits!" Legolas exclaimed. "YES!"  
  
"Alright I can see that. Actually it makes perfect sense that Frodo would want to be an elf. He never really liked being a hobbit." Sam said.  
  
Legolas' face fell. "… do you think he is going to voluntarily give me my body back?"  
  
"Ehhh… I actually doubt it…you might have to fight him for it." Sam told him.  
  
"How am I going to fight an Elven body with this hobbit body?" He wondered sadly.  
  
"I don't know Legolas. But I'll help you get it back." Sam told him proudly.  
  
"Thank you Sam."  
  
"No problem. By the way… what do you supposed Frodo is doing in your body right now?" Sam asked him.  
  
Legolas groaned. "I don't want to know Sam."  
  
  
  
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Frodo  
  
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"Ohh. This is the life!" Frodo exclaimed. He took a bite out of the crispest apple in Mirkwood. His eyes rolled back and he groaned again, savoring the taste of the apple. He looked over at King Thranduil, who was watching at from the other end of the table.  
  
"What has gotten into you Legolas. The other day you were my most composed son. What happened?!" King Thranduil.  
  
Legolas' older brother snickered from across the table. "Most composed son indeed." He muttered.  
  
Legolas shot him a look, "Oh, I dunno. I guess I'm just looking at life from a new perspective. A good new look it is." He said smugly.  
  
"Well you had better change your attitude before the banquet next week!" scowled the King.  
  
  
  
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Legolas and Sam  
  
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"OH SHIT!"  
  
"What is it?" Asked Sam.  
  
Legolas grabbed Sam's shoulders, "The banquet for my 200th anniversary is next week!" He screamed.  
  
"Ah… you are right… 'oh shit.'" Sam said.  
  
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Frodo  
  
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"Really? What banquet?" Frodo asked.  
  
King Thranduil slammed his fist down on the table again for the second time that day. "Don't play dumb with me you incompetent elf! Your damned 200th anniversary with that wife of yours!" He screamed.  
  
Frodo sat and watched his cup fall over from the force of the king's hand. He observed the Elven juice as it seeped off the table. "Ohhh… that banquet." Frodo smiled.  
  
"Yes, 'that' banquet." King Thranduil visually calmed down for a second. "Well I'm glad to see that you finally put a shirt on."  
  
"Well I had to. So many people on the streets were attacking me. They all want me baby." Frodo said, using the Austin Powers voice.  
  
"Oh God, you are going to give me gray hairs… and elves don't get gray hairs!" King Thranduil moaned. He sat and rubbed his temples in circles to try to rid of the rising headache from his 'son'. "Please get your act together before I see you again!" He got up and left the table.  
  
Frodo watched the King of Mirkwood leave the dining hall. When he saw that he was out of hearing distance, he turned to one of his brothers across the table from him.  
  
"What's wrong with him?" He asked.  
  
"You."  
  
Frodo laughed. "I am doing nothing wrong!" He got up from the table and walked out of the palace. He stood in the fresh air and took a deep breath. "Ah… now what shall I do today?"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ok, another contest thing. Give me some suggestions for what he should do that day. They can be as sick, perverted, happy, clean, dirty, sad, tragic, funny, serious, weird, normal, scary, or pointless as you want it. I'll email you to let you know if you won or not. There will be numerous winners! PLEASE R&R!!! 


	7. Super Soaker Fun

**Wow, thank you all for reviewing! I luv you all! ::hugs everyone who reviewed:: If you review even more, you get more hugs. ::hehe:: read on…. **  
  
  
  
Chapter 7  
  
  
  
"HAHAHAHA!" Frodo laughed like a manias as he ran around Mirkwood with a super soaker. He ran past a group of old beggar elves and sprayed out their little fire.  
  
  
  
"Hey punk!" Screamed one of them as Frodo ran off in Legolas' body.  
  
  
  
The crowds were in a frenzy when they saw the mad elf running down the street. Elves jumped out of his way to avoid getting sprayed, but only to get hit in the backside as a result.  
  
  
  
Frodo stopped when he saw a group of children elves playing with a ball, he let out a wild battle cry and rushed towards the children. They shrieked and scattered when they saw him approaching. He spotted one stuck in a corner, so he took his chance and began spraying the poor child in the face.  
  
  
  
"Hey!... Stop please mister!" The child pleaded.  
  
  
  
Frodo continued laughing and spraying his face. Soon the water began to fizzle and run out. "… damn. Do you know where I can get more water?" He asked the child.  
  
  
  
The little elf sniffed and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. He pointed to a large water well on the opposite side of the street.  
  
  
  
Frodo walked over to the deep, stone walled well and began filling up his water gun.  
  
  
  
"Ahem…"  
  
  
  
Frodo turned around to find a female elf standing there looking very annoyed. "Uh… looking for someone love?"  
  
  
  
"Yes, I was actually looking for you. You weren't too hard to find, all I had to do was follow the screams."  
  
  
  
"You were looking for me? Well, I charge $1000 for a package of one night and the morning after or it's $500 for a quickie. There aren't any specialties left and I'm out of free offers and coupons. My regular hours are all night on the weekdays and on Saturdays and Sundays it's all day. Since you are obviously a new customer, I'll have to schedule you around my regulars. Please, I don't do guys, so don't bring them. But if you would like to bring a friend, it will be an additional $500. And if you are deformed in ANY way whatsoever, it's an extra $250. Sorry, no refunds. Would you like a flier?" He asked sweetly.  
  
  
  
The elf had a look of horror written on her face. She slapped him hard across his face. "What the hell are you talking about? Are you some sort of male slut Legolas?" she demanded.  
  
  
  
Frodo looked thoughtful for a second, "Well I couldn't really be considered a 'slut'. Because I AM getting paid."  
  
  
  
"How dare you??! How could you do this to me?! And after 200 years?!" She wailed.  
  
  
  
"Who are you love? Do I know you?" Frodo asked. He honestly didn't know who this elf maiden was.  
  
  
  
"Well I WAS your wife jackass! You can kiss those damned 200 years goodbye! You aren't worth ANYTHING Legolas! You are just a worthless piece of shit!" She screamed at him with tears streaming down her face. She tugged off her wedding band and threw it at Frodo. It hit him in his forehead. She turned around and glared at him before running away. "You know, the only reason I stayed with you was because the sex was great. Also, I've been cheating on you for the past 75 years… have a nice life asshole." She lied about the last part, trying to make him feel like shit.  
  
  
  
He shrugged his answer. He rubbed his aching head as he watched the elf run into the palace. He stopped for a couple of seconds to glare at the elves standing around him, staring. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Mind your own damn business."  
  
  
  
He continued to hear the loud sobs coming from his wife as she ran around the palace. All of a sudden his eyes lit up. "YES! I'm finally a free elf again! I'M FREE!!!" He skipped around and sang happily to himself. Fifteen minutes later, his fathers voice echoed throughout the entire forest of Mirkwood.  
  
  
  
"LEGOLAS!!!!!!!"  
  
  
  
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Damn… Frodo is really fucking up Legolas' life isn't he? HAHA! Please R&R for another chapter! 


	8. Convincing Elrond

Thank you to everyone who reviewed! ::hugs everyone:: I'm glad you are liking my little body switchers! LoL! Sorry if I'm kinda slow in updating, but school's a bitch, I try to write as much as I can in study hall… but I'm still slow. :) PLEASE R&R!!  
  
  
  
Chapter 8  
  
  
  
Legolas sang silently to himself as he and Sam neared Rivendell. They had been on the road for about a couple of days now, and they were getting pretty close to Mirkwood, but first they were going to stop and rest in Rivendell for a little. Legolas wasn't used to walking in a heavy little hobbit body, so they constantly stopped to rest while on the road.  
  
"How are you faring Master Legolas?" Sam asked.  
  
"Oh, I'm doing okay I guess. Kinda depressed though," Legolas said sadly.  
  
"Why depressed?"  
  
"Well despite the obvious, I guess I'm also sad that I'm going to miss my anniversary next week. I have been looking forward to it for the past 75 years. And now I guess Frodo is going to experience it for me," Legolas said. He hung his head and continued walking. He kicked a small stone out of his way and sighed loudly. "I miss my old life."  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry that you are stuck in Frodo's body. You don't seem that close to your wife, why are you so sad about missing the party?" Wondered Sam.  
  
Legolas looked at him in shock. "What would make you think that I'm not close to my wife?!"  
  
"Well you are considered a male slut in your kingdom." Sam said, "You wouldn't do that if you really loved your wife."  
  
"Do you want to know the real reason I sleep with people for money?" Legolas asked.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I've been doing it because I need the money for a gift that I was going to get for my wife. My father disapproves of my wife, he never really liked her much at all. So he was not willing to give me money to buy this thing for her. And I didn't have a job, because I didn't need one, so I started sleeping with people for the money. It was all for my wife." Legolas told Sam.  
  
"Oh, you were really desperate for money weren't ya?"  
  
"Oh yeah. I needed it fast, I was actually supposed to go pick up her gift the day that Frodo and I switched bodies. But I guess Frodo didn't do it. So… no party for me and I'm not able to see the look on my wife's face on the day of the anniversary." Legolas said glumly.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry." Sam told the elf-turned-hobbit. He put a reassuring hand on Legolas' shoulder. "You'll see your wife again. What was her name?"  
  
"Speranza Amour…" the name rolled off his tongue. He gazed up into the sky when he told her name.  
  
Sam could tell that Legolas really loved this elf and it pained him to be away from her. He just hoped that Frodo hadn't messed up Legolas' love with Speranza. "Legolas, what would you do to Frodo if he messed things up with you and your wife?"  
  
Legolas laughed. "I don't think he would be that stupid to try to get between my wife and I. If he did, there would definitely be hell to pay. I would probably kill the measly little hobbit." Legolas told Sam, making a wringing motion with his hands.  
  
The two continued to walk in silence, they were almost to the gates of Rivendell. Legolas couldn't hold back his excitement of seeing the Elven kingdom again, it reminded him so much of his home. He quickened up his pace when he saw the gates up ahead.  
  
Sam let out a sigh of relief when he finally saw the large gates looming over them. They started walking through them, until they were stopped by a small group of Elven soldiers.  
  
"Halt! What are the names of those who pass?" The leader questioned.  
  
"Sir, this is Samwise Gamgee, and I am Prince Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood." Legolas said, using his superior prince voice.  
  
The head elf looked at Legolas, he squeezed his lips together to keep from laughing. "Prince Legolas of Mirkwood, eh? 'Tis funny that you look nothing like him."  
  
The other elves snickered behind him, Legolas gave them all sharp looks before turning back to the leader. "I am Prince Legolas, but I am in the body of Frodo Baggins. We switched bodies last week." He said bluntly.  
  
The elves exchanged glances before they burst out laughing. They were keeling over from the laughter. "Oh my God! That's the funniest damn thing I've heard in a long time!" Tears were now rolling down the Elven guards faces, from laughing so hard.  
  
Legolas looked at Sam and raised an eyebrow in amusement. They briskly walked past the elves and into Rivendell, leaving the laughing group behind them.  
  
"Now, we don't need that kind of abuse now do we?" Legolas said.  
  
"Most certainly not!" Sam agreed.  
  
They walked into Rivendell and up the steps into Lord Elrond's palace. When they reached Elrond's study, the walked in.  
  
Lord Elrond looked up in surprise when he saw Frodo and Sam walking into his room. "Why my dear hobbits! How good it is to see you Frodo and Sam!" He stood up to welcome his guests.  
  
"Nice to see you Lord Elrond," Sam said politely.  
  
"I'm not Frodo," Legolas said coldly. He glared at Elrond for accusing him of being Frodo.  
  
"Of course you're not." Elrond said laughing. He kneeled down to eye level with the hobbits. "If you aren't Frodo, then who are you?" He asked jokingly.  
  
"I'm Legolas," Legolas said.  
  
Elrond laughed, "Alright, you believe that Frodo."  
  
Legolas' mouth dropped open, "But I AM!! How many times must I tell you people that I'm NOT Frodo!"  
  
"Maybe when you don't look like Frodo anymore." Elrond told him, standing up. "You look a lot like Frodo."  
  
"Well its Frodo's body, just… me, Legolas, in it." Legolas told him.  
  
Elrond looked at him with amusement dancing in his eyes, "Have you gone mad Frodo?"  
  
Legolas growled and began stomping around on the floor. "I AM LEGOLAS!"  
  
"Um… Master Elrond, I don't think you should get him started. He is Legolas… that is not Frodo in that body." Sam whispered to Elrond.  
  
"You sure?" Elrond asked.  
  
"Yes, Frodo is in Legolas' body. Possibly destroying everything." Sam explained.  
  
Legolas stopped throwing a temper tantrum and glared at the Lord. "NOW do you believe me?"  
  
Elrond looked at the hobbits skeptically. "No, I think you've both gone mad."  
  
Fury lit up on Legolas' face. But then he calmed down and an evil smile was plastered on his face in place of his sulking frown. "Hey, come here." He motioned for Elrond to come closer so he could tell him something.  
  
Elrond bent down and let 'Frodo' whisper something into his ear. His face turned bright red when Legolas finished his story. His eyes grew huge and smoke was almost literally coming out of his ears. "How did you know that? No one besides Lego-- … oh?"  
  
Legolas bounced around triumphantly. "You see?! I'm Legolas!"  
  
"Oh my goodness! How did this happen to you Legolas?" Elrond asked.  
  
"Well it's a long story. So to make it short, we just switched bodies one day." Legolas told him. "Do you know how we could get switched back?"  
  
"Actually, I have the perfect idea for how you two could switch back… follow me." Elrond said, he rushed out the door with the two hobbits scurrying behind him.  
  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ok, there's chapter 8… I'm sorry if it isn't the greatest, but I'm going through a severe case of writers block. So if any of you have any ideas for the rest of the story, feel free to tell me in reviews or email them to me. Thank you! PLEASE R&R!!!! 


	9. Old Man

Thank you everyone who reviewed! Props to y'all!! … did I just say y'all? ::shrug:: Oh well, I have distressing news everyone! I'm going to be extremely busy the next couple of days so I won't be able to update for awhile! Oh no! Sorry… PLEASE R&R!!!  
  
  
  
Chapter 9  
  
  
  
  
  
"What is it?" Legolas asked.  
  
"Don't ask any questions elf! I know that you both switched places, you also must have done something to make the switch happen." Lord Elrond snapped.  
  
  
  
Legolas felt his face turn red when Sam snickered at Lord Elrond's comment. "Shut up," he grumbled to Sam.  
  
  
  
Elrond continued leading them down the hall. He walked outside and stopped in the middle of the courtyard. He lifted his nose up in the air and took a deep breath.  
  
  
  
"Is this where the answer is?" Legolas questioned.  
  
  
  
"Don't be stupid," Elrond muttered, "of course not!"  
  
  
  
"Hey! Why do you keep snapping at me? I didn't do anything bad!" Legolas exclaimed.  
  
  
  
Lord Elrond rolled his eyes, "Yes! You did! People can't switch bodies without the consent of both persons," he said irritably.  
  
  
  
"But I don't want to be a hobbit!" Legolas exclaimed, "I never did! Maybe I thought of something that had to do with hobbits-"  
  
  
  
"AHA! So you admit it!" Lord Elrond said while pointing at Legolas.  
  
  
  
"No-!"  
  
  
  
"You do know that it is a disgrace for any elf to wish that he or she may be another life form? We should love our lives and bodies and cherish them. NOT wish for something else." Elrond said sternly, pointing at the hobbit body.  
  
  
  
"But I didn't wish! It was just a thought! Frodo was the one who made up the wish!" Legolas yelled. He was tired of everyone bitching at him for every little thing he ever did.  
  
  
  
Elrond let out an exasperated sigh, "Alright Legolas… I'm sorry. But please… be careful what you think from now on."  
  
  
  
"Mmk…" was Legolas' only reply.  
  
  
  
"Ok, now follow me again," Elrond said and he began walking briskly into the forest, with Legolas and Sam running to keep up.  
  
  
  
When they finally reached a small shack outside Rivendell, Elrond stopped.  
  
  
  
Legolas and Sam ran up after Elrond panting hard. "Couldn't you have walked man?" Legolas said heavily. He was still trying to catch his breath as he examined the small shack. It was run down with wooden windows and doors. There were two doors, one on either side of the house. He noticed a blonde elf sitting outside, between the two doors as if guarding what was inside.  
  
  
  
Elrond went over to the elf and spoke quietly in Elvish to him, gesturing towards the hobbits.  
  
  
  
"What is he saying?" Sam asked Legolas.  
  
  
  
"He's telling Glorfindel who we are." Legolas muttered.  
  
  
  
"That's Glorfindel?! Alas, I hardly recognized him!" Sam exclaimed.  
  
  
  
"Aye, that's him." Legolas said.  
  
  
  
"How did you know it was him?" Sam whispered.  
  
  
  
"I've known him for a very long time. I know his voice when I hear it." Legolas whispered back.  
  
  
  
"Ah."  
  
  
  
"Legolas?" He heard Glorfindel gasp as Elrond gestured towards the hobbit. "Legolas is in there?" Glorfindel asked.  
  
  
  
"Aye."  
  
  
  
Glorfindel smiled and walked over to the hobbit. He knelt down to eye level with him and looked him in the eye as if he were examining the soul inside the body.  
  
  
  
"Are you sure?" He asked Elrond in Elvish.  
  
  
  
"Why don't you just ask me Glorfindel?! I'm alive, yes, hello! Speak to me! I know Elvish! I am an elf!" Legolas exclaimed in Elvish. "And I know you don't want Elrond to tell Aragorn what happened with you and Arwen last year!"  
  
  
  
Glorfindel gasped and turned to look at Elrond. Elrond stared at the blonde elf and raised an eyebrow. "He is just kidding!" Glorfindel exclaimed. He roughly grabbed hobbit Legolas and messed up his hair, "Legolas was always the kidder."  
  
  
  
"Let up hope so." Lord Elrond said, while crossing his arms across his chest.  
  
  
  
Legolas broke out of his grasp and ran over to Elrond, "So am I gonna switch back yet? I really really don't want Frodo to ruin my life!"  
  
  
  
"How do you know he already hasn't?" Elrond questioned.  
  
  
  
"I don't want to think about it! And I would kill the little beast if he did!" Legolas threatened.  
  
  
  
"Oi! Don't be so harsh to Mr. Frodo!" Sam cried and ran up to Legolas and kicked him in his shin.  
  
  
  
"OW! Damn you!" Legolas cried.  
  
  
  
Sam's lower lip quivered, "Damn me?" He stared at Legolas as his eyes brimmed with tears, then he was full out bawling.  
  
  
  
"Nooo, Sam. I didn't mean it," Legolas groaned, "I'm sorry."  
  
  
  
"Ok!" Sam said cheerily.  
  
  
  
Legolas turned to Elrond, "OK, now can you tell me how we're going to switch back?" He tucked a piece of curly behind his hobbit ear.  
  
  
  
"Yes. Glorfindel… will you?" He asked gesturing towards the doors.  
  
  
  
"Uh…" Glorfindel muttered as he tried to guess which door was the right one. He finally decided on one of the doors and unlocked it. The four of them walked into the shack to see an old man sitting alone in a chair with tons of books around him.  
  
  
  
"Em… who are you?" Elrond asked.  
  
  
  
"I am… the Receiver of Memory… or you can call me… The Giver!" The old man said. He turned to Sam, "Oh… hello Rudy!"  
  
  
  
They screamed and bolted out the door. Glorfindel hurriedly locked the door and pressed his back against it.  
  
  
  
"Shit… I forgot we had him…" Lord Elrond panted.  
  
  
  
"Why?" Legolas asked, "What's so bad about him?"  
  
  
  
"He's a psycho!" Elrond and Glorfindel exclaimed.  
  
  
  
"Ok, then. Let's open the other door and forget why he called me 'Rudy'…" Sam said.  
  
  
  
Glorfindel walked up and unlocked the door and slowly entered the room Where they found another old man sitting on the floor by a fire.  
  
  
  
"Gandalf?" Legolas asked, recognizing the old man.  
  
  
  
"Dumbledore!!" Sam cried happily.  
  
  
  
Legolas rolled his eyes.  
  
  
  
The old man chuckled, "I am neither. But I am Gandalf's twin brother… my name is Merlin."  
  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
  
So waddya think? Like it? Don't like it? I am suffering writers block, so bear with me here, mmk? PLEASE R&R!! and no flamed please… I'm a wuss and couldn't take it if you did… (also I would flame you back)) ::whistles incoherently:: BYE!!! :) 


	10. Annual Sumo Jamboree

**Hey, my thanks to everyone who reviewed! I wuv you all! ::hehe:: Just a little note that I should have mentioned a couple of chapters ago but I guess I forgot. Yeah, the wife of Legolas, Speranza Amour means, hope and love in Italian and French. This might be the last chapter I write for awhile, I will be unable to write all of next week because I won't exactly be here ::cough::. Also thanks to Izzo, I wouldn't have written this chapter if it wasn't for her! She was the one who told me to write another chapter instead of studying for my biology midterm tomorrow. So if I fail my midterm, don't worry when Izzo disappears from the face of this earth! ::hehe:: J/K! You know I love ya Lizzy! PLEASE R&R!!!**  
  
  
  
no flames please… (A/N: If anyone is interested in being in Elf in a Bottle, please email me and tell me your name, your wishes, and a description of what you want to happen with the elf! Thanks!)  
  
  
  
Chapter 10  
  
  
  
Frodo winces when he heard the name echo throughout Mirkwood. How could the king be mad, he wondered, I thought he didn't like Speranza.  
  
  
  
"COME HERE!!" The king bellowed once more.  
  
  
  
Frodo sighed and trudged silently into the palace and right to the king. He looked at him flatly and said, "You rang?"  
  
  
  
The kings face was burning red as he spoke, "What the devil did you do to Speranza?! She came in here crying her eyes out!"  
  
  
  
Frodo shrugged, "I dunno."  
  
  
  
"Thanks to you she's leaving. Headed off for Rivendell the second she got in here, poor thing. You might find it wise to go after her and reclaim her. You need a wife and I don't want my peace treaty with the Misty Mountains going up in flames!" King Thranduil yelled at him incompetent son.  
  
  
  
"No I don't. I'll be just fine without a wife. As for your peace treaty, why don't you have another one of your sons marry another princess from there?" Frodo said. He turned his back to the king and started walking out the door.  
  
  
  
The king grunted and slammed his head into this hands, "Legolas when did you become the damndest elf?" He whispered to himself.  
  
  
  
Frodo walked out into the fresh air once more that day. He walked around and found a huge poster on a wall that was advertising the annual "Elvish Sumo Jamboree."  
  
  
  
"Hm… that sounds interesting." Frodo said to himself as he began walking towards the large crowd in the arena. He had no idea what the 'Elvish Sumo Jamboree' was. He squeezed his way through the huge mass of Elves. He searched for a seat and found one in the front row where no one was sitting.  
  
  
  
At first he noticed the slight oddness of the seat. It was green instead of the brown color of the rest of the seats in the stadium. He decided that the color of the seat meant nothing, so he sat down in it anyhow.  
  
  
  
The young elf sitting next to him turned and gave him a weird look when he sat down. "Why are you sitting there?" He asked Frodo.  
  
  
  
"Why not?" Frodo asked, confused.  
  
  
  
The other elf laughed silently to himself, "No reason." Then he turned to the elf next to him and whispered, "What a dumbass. You'd think for a prince that he knew what the hell he was doing." His companion nodded in agreement.  
  
  
  
"What time does this start?" Frodo asked an Elven woman sitting on his other side.  
  
  
  
"In about five minutes,," she answered.  
  
  
  
Frodo nodded, "Thanks." He waited patiently until the match started. He was surprised when it actually started right on time. An elf walked to the middle of the 'field' and spoke to the Elves in the stadium.  
  
  
  
"Dear Elves of Middle-Earth. I welcome thee to the annual 'Elvish Sumo Jamboree'!" He shouted.  
  
  
  
A large cheer thundered through the air. Frodo cheered along with the Elves, even though he had no idea what a 'Sumo' was.  
  
  
  
The Elf silenced the crowd with a wave of his hand, then he continued. "What you are about to witness is intensely horrific. If there are any young children here under the age of 500, please take them away immediately or cover their eyes!"  
  
  
  
Frodo looked around and watched some Elves guiding younger children out of the stadium, then he turned his eyes back at the announcer, waiting for him to continue.  
  
  
  
"Alright!" The announcer shouted. "Let the games begin!"  
  
  
  
The crowd cheered as a large door opened on the right side of the 'field'. The ground trembled as a large elf entered the arena.  
  
  
  
The announcer ran off the field and onto a large podium. "On the right we have Jancas! He's an ex-school teacher gone mad! He used to harass small children, so he was banished from the schoolhouse and forced to 'Sumo'! Weighing in at 678 pounds, this 6 foot 3 beast has won numerous titles. But can he beat THIS opponent?!" He screamed.  
  
  
  
Jancas growled and began slapping his face. Growling at the Elves for cheering at him. The cheers grew louder as he grabbed his small chair and broke it in half over his head. He readjusted his Sumo 'thong' thing and winked at the announcer and blew him a kiss.  
  
  
  
The announcer shuddered when he saw the degrading action, "And on the left we have the most grotesque creature that has ever sat upon this world! She has the nastiest bite and the most accusing personality! She has been known to eat small kids!! Weighing in at an incredible 899 pounds, this ex-school guidance counselor really is the terror of Middle-Earth!! Give it up for… KARONESS!!!!!"  
  
  
  
The audience screamed as a humongous elf bashed right through the door. She scrambled around the arena, screaming. She grabbed her chair and bit it right in half, making the audience go crazy.  
  
  
  
"BEGIN!!" The announced screamed.  
  
  
  
Jancas and Karoness lunged at each other and began slamming into each other and slapping each other repeatedly. They growled, roared, and grunted as loud as they could as they were biting, and clawing at every available body part on the other.  
  
  
  
"Damn… this is some scary shit," Frodo whispered himself.  
  
  
  
The audience cheered and screamed as the buzzer rang, signaling the end of the first round. The two Elves retreated to opposite ends of the arena, panting and sweating from the physical fight.  
  
  
  
The announcer walked into the middle of the arena again and silenced the audience once more, "Now… my friends. Now is the time for the one lucky audience member to face their fate. One lucky audience member to go against the fearsome beasts. Who is that lucky person? Who is the poor soul that sat in the lucky seat? Who is the one…?"  
  
  
  
Frodo sat there, stunned as all the faces in the stadium slowly turned to look at him.  
  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well that's it for chapter 10… the story shall end soon, sadly.  
  
PLEASE R&R!!!!! 


	11. Crystal Ball ::coughpalantircough::

Hullo everyone! How are all you fine people?! I'm doing just great. I just spent the last week on vacation and I got a lot of inspiration for my stories from the things we did! ::hehe:: Anyhoo… just to let you know, I failed my biology test, so a little note to Izzo: if you are reading this now, that would mean that I'm back up in Cleveland again and you better watch out! I'M BACK!!! HAHA!! Well, please enjoy chapter 11, PLEASE R&R!!  
  
  
  
Little note: at the end of this chapter, you'll find a vote thing, please read it and review.  
  
  
  
Chapter 11  
  
  
  
"Merlin?" They asked in disbelief.  
  
  
  
"Yes… who were you expecting?" Merlin asked, "Gandalf?"  
  
  
  
"Dumbledore!!!!" Sam cried gleefully.  
  
  
  
Legolas, Elrond, Glorfindel and Merlin all turned their heads and sent death glares at Sam.  
  
  
  
"What?" Sam pondered innocently.  
  
  
  
Legolas shook his head, then turned his gaze back at Merlin, "How can you help me?"  
  
  
  
"Well, we can start by telling me what your problem is," Merlin said.  
  
  
  
"Aren't you supposed to be some 'all knowing' wizard, aren't you supposed to know everything?" Sam asked skeptically.  
  
  
  
Merlin whacked Sam over the head with his cane, before turning back to Legolas, "Sorry… please continue boy." He gestured with his hands for Legolas to continue on with his story.  
  
  
  
Legolas cleared his throat before continuing, "Ok, the story is short and simple… Frodo Baggins is in my body, and I am in his… unfortunately."  
  
  
  
"Bummer," Merlin muttered.  
  
  
  
"Yes I know," Legolas sighed.  
  
  
  
"Well I know exactly how I can help. First off, we are going to have to see what your little hobbit friend is doing right at this moment," Merlin said, leading the 4 over to a large ball located in the middle of the room.  
  
  
  
Sam stared at the ball, "Isn't that a-"  
  
  
  
"NO!" Merlin screamed crazily, then he calmed down, "No, my dear boy. It is ::cough:: not… 'that'. Why would I have one of 'those'?! I got this at a flea-market. And the vendor told me that this wasn't really one of… 'those'."  
  
  
  
"Well how do you know that the person that sold it to you was telling the truth?" Sam asked at the same time Legolas asked, "There are flea-markets in Middle-Earth?"  
  
  
  
"Because the man used to raise 'towel-goblins'." Merlin said simply.  
  
  
  
Four sets of eyes stared at the wizard with confusion written all over their faces. "Towel-goblins?" Legolas asked. "What the hell are those?"  
  
  
  
Merlin looked at the four in shock, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TOWEL GOBLINS ARE?!!"  
  
  
  
"No," they all answered in unison.  
  
  
  
"Ok," Merlin said, "you might want to ask Colin because I don't really know either."  
  
  
  
"Riiiiiiight," Glorfindel said. None of them knowing who Colin was.  
  
  
  
Merlin cleared his throat, "Ok, now where were we? Ah yes, we are now going to see what Frodo is doing in Legolas' body."  
  
  
  
"Thank God," Legolas mumbled.  
  
  
  
Merlin rolled up his sleeves and placed his hands on the large ball, "Now for my super secret chant that you must all say with me. But… you must never reveal this chant to anyone… for no one but I knows this, and now you will too! Now, all of you place your hands on the crystal ball."  
  
  
  
One by one, they all laid their hands down on the ball to cover it entirely.  
  
  
  
"Ok… remember, NEVER tell this secret to ANYONE!" Merlin commanded.  
  
  
  
"Alright," they said in unison.  
  
  
  
"Do you all swear on it?" Merlin asked.  
  
  
  
"Yes."  
  
  
  
"Do you promise me that you will never tell anyone?!"  
  
  
  
"Yes."  
  
  
  
"Pinky promise?!"  
  
  
  
"Yes." The four let go of the ball and shook pinkies with each other.  
  
  
  
"Alright, replace your hands on the palantìr- I mean crystal ball," Merlin choked.  
  
  
  
Elrond raised an eyebrow, "Hmmm…"  
  
  
  
Merlin cleared his throat again and started speaking, "Alright, now all together as one… let us chant the secret word… ALAKAZAM!!!"  
  
  
  
Sam snorted. Merlin whacked him on the head again.  
  
  
  
"ALAKAZAM, ALAKAZAM, ALAKAZAM," They chanted together.  
  
  
  
All of a sudden a huge white light poured out of the ball (palantìr) ::cough:: and filled the room.  
  
  
  
A picture began forming in the ball, it was a huge stadium, with Legolas' body standing in the middle of the arena with two huge elves on either side of him growling menacingly.  
  
  
  
"Oh shit," Legolas mumbled, "it's the 'Annual Sumo Jamboree." He knew that Frodo must have sat in the wrong seat, for he was now obviously part of the show.  
  
  
  
All of a sudden a young girl with brownish hair ran across the arena screaming as an old fat woman that reeked of smoke chased after her.  
  
  
  
"NOOOO!!!" The girl screamed.  
  
  
  
"COME BACK LIZZY!!! YOU CAN'T FORGET YOUR SLEEPING BAG!!! AREN'T YOU SPENDING THE NIGHT AT SCHOOL???!!!" The old woman screamed.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Get away from me you psycho!!" Lizzy screamed.  
  
  
  
They continued running around the arena, "COME BACK!! ZUPIE WON'T HURT YOU!" The old woman yelled.  
  
  
  
Everyone in the audience and the five in Rivendell watched in confusion as they ran out of the arena screaming.  
  
  
  
"Ooook?" They announcer said. "Let… the game… begin?"  
  
  
  
"NO!" Legolas screamed at the ball, "You can't let Frodo do it! He'll kill my body! Jancas and Karoness will sit on me… or him… or… MY BODY!"  
  
  
  
Frodo's eyes darted nervously back and forth between the two elves, "Now guys, do you think we can come up with a compromise? I mean… nothing physical has to happen." He laughed nervously.  
  
  
  
"Of course it does," Jancas growled.  
  
  
  
"Oh shit…" Frodo whimpered as the two huge beasts advanced on him.  
  
  
  
All of a sudden, a large balrog came crashing through the arena walls, causing all the elves to go into hysterics.  
  
  
  
"FUZZY!!!" Legolas cheered in happiness.  
  
  
  
Frodo screamed as the huge balrog grabbed him by the leg and gave him a huge bear hug. He then carried the screaming Frodo out of the arena and back to the palace.  
  
  
  
They picture on the screen slowly faded away. Legolas sniffed, "Fuzzy is always there to save the day."  
  
  
  
Merlin stared at Legolas, "You have a pet balrog?"  
  
  
  
"Yes…" Legolas said.  
  
  
  
"Mmmk,"  
  
  
  
"Ok, so now that we have seen what Frodo is doing in Legolas' body, are you going to switch them back now?" Glorfindel asked.  
  
  
  
"My my my… aren't we the impatient one here?" Merlin taunted.  
  
  
  
"Oy! Shuddup" Elrond yelled.  
  
  
  
"Make me!" Merlin screamed.  
  
  
  
"If you don't… I'll tell everyone your true identity…!"  
  
  
  
"YOU WOULDN'T!!!"  
  
  
  
"Yes I would… TIM!!!"  
  
  
  
"The keeper of the Bridge of Death?" Sam asked.  
  
  
  
Merlin sniffed, "You don't frighten me, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottems, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Lord of Rivendell, you and all your silly English pppeooople. Thppt!"  
  
  
  
Legolas stared at Merlin (Tim), "What a strange person."  
  
  
  
Elrond cleared his throat, "Now look here, my good man!"  
  
  
  
"I don't want to talk to you anymore, you empty headed animal food trough wiper!... I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!" Merlin screamed.  
  
  
  
Sam leaned over to whisper to Legolas, "I thought he was Tim."  
  
  
  
"Me too…"  
  
  
  
All of a sudden, a sound came floating through the air, it was the sound of a crying Elven woman. Everyone walked over to the window to see who it was.  
  
  
  
"Speranza!" Legolas cried.  
  
  
  
"Who?" Sam asked.  
  
  
  
"My wife!!!" Legolas headed towards the door, but was abruptly stopped by Merlin ::coughTIMcough::.  
  
  
  
"Stop!!! Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, 'ere the other side he see." Merlin told Legolas.  
  
  
  
"We aren't on a Bridge of Death," Legolas mumbled, as he pushed his way past 'Merlin'.  
  
  
  
Merlin grunted, but let him pass.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Speranza!" Legolas cried.  
  
  
  
The Elven woman turned and looked at the small hobbit running towards her.  
  
  
  
Legolas was devastated to see her eyes red and puffy from crying. "What's wrong?"  
  
  
  
"Who are you?" Speranza asked.  
  
  
  
"I'm Legolas."  
  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
  
DUN DUN DUNNNNNN  
  
How will she react? Will she believe him? Should everything be peachy with them after this? Should they still get separated? Please tell me in your reviews… the fate of this story rests in your hands. I'm kinda going to let you pick what happens with Legolas and Speranza. Whichever choice has the most votes… will be in the story…  
  
Choices:  
  
Speranza believes Legolas and everything is Okay with them.  
  
Speranza believes Legolas but nothing works out and they end up separating still.  
  
Speranza thinks it's a trick and hates Legolas more.  
  
Speranza doesn't believe Legolas, and Legolas looses her forever.  
  
Speranza doesn't believe Legolas, and Legolas finds a new love… 


	12. Home of the Balrog

**Hey all… I decided to be nice and to update. I've been keeping this chapter to myself for a really long time now… muahahah! No… actually I just wrote it at like midnight last night LoL. Anyhoo... I guess Speranza believes Legolas and everything is okay with them won the vote! Sadly to say, but this story might end within the next couple of chapters… aww… LoL. Read on… PLEASE R&R!!** 

Another contest, see end of chapter for details… J

Chapter 12

"No," Speranza choked out between tears, "I'm tired of all these sick jokes. You are not Legolas… Legolas is a hurtful bastard and I wish that I never met him!"

Legolas winced as those words came out of his wife's mouth. "Speranza, I'm serious. I am Legolas in this body, my **real body has Frodo Baggins walking around inside of it. It isn't me…"**

Speranza looked deeply into Legolas' eyes, she absent-mindedly pushed a piece of stray hair behind her pointed ear as she studied the hobbit. "How do I know for sure."

Sam groaned, "How many times does Legolas have to prove to people that it really is him inside of Mister Frodo's body?!" 

Merlin whacked Sam on the head again, "Quiet you fool!"

Sam winced and rubbed the sore spot on his head where Merlin kept whacking him at, "Just like Gandalf…" Sam muttered.

Merlin raised an eyebrow and gave Sam a evil glare, "I heard that Samwise Gamgee…"

Sam ducked out of the way, in fear of being hit again.

Merlin looked up to see Legolas and Speranza staring at him, he cleared his throat, "Don't mind me, I'm not really here, I'm just an apparition…" He slowly scooted so that he was hiding behind a twig. "See…? You can't see me."

Legolas rolled his eyes and looked back at his wife, "Please believe me." He pleaded.

Speranza eyed him carefully, her eyes still red and puffy from crying, "Tell me something that only **you would know about me."**

Legolas stood up on his tip-toes and gestured for Speranza to bend over, so he could whisper something into her ear. "You and I both know that Fuzzy is the only known asexual balrog out there… and wouldn't that be a controversy if someone let THAT out…" 

Speranza's eyes opened in shock and belief, she stared down at the tiny hobbit, and tried to picture her beautiful husband trapped inside that tiny body. "Legolas?"

"Yes," Legolas said, as he hugged his wife for the first time in that small hobbit body.

Speranza let go of Legolas when she heard sniffling coming from nearby. She looked up and saw Elrond and Glorfindel crying on each other's shoulders. She raised an amused eyebrow and asked, "Problem gentlemen?"

Glorfindel lifted his head up off of Elrond's shoulder, but the lord still had his against the warriors arm. "No," he said between sobs, "it's just that i-i-i-it's so sentimental a-a-an-and cute a-an-and…" He looked at Elrond's tear stained face and they wailed together, "SO SAAADDDD!" After saying that, they burst into a new wave of hysterics. Each one plopped themselves down on the ground as they cried their eyes out from the beautiful scene that they just witnessed.

"Ok… they're just weird…" Laughed Legolas. He glanced over at Merlin, who was still hiding behind his twig, "You can come out now Merlin."

Merlin slowly crept out from behind the twig and gracefully brushed off his robes in an entirely gentlemanly manner. "I… know. Now, shall we get you switched back now?"

"Yes, I would love to get switched back sometime soon!" Legolas exclaimed. "I don't know how much longer I can stand it in this miserable little hobbit body."

"How are you managing in there?" Speranza asked in disbelief.

"I don't know right now. And I don't want to wait around any longer to find out. Lets go to Mirkwood." Legolas told the group. 

Sam reappeared from behind the bush that he hid behind to get away from Merlin, "Can I come too? I'm afraid that I might have to teach Mr. Frodo a lesson when I see him."

"Alright." Merlin said tiredly. "Let us be off. Hopefully we'll know where to find the little bugger." 

"Ohh, if I know Fuzzy… I'll know **exactly where Frodo is at," Legolas told the ancient wizard.**

"Isn't that an encouraging thought," Merlin mumbled to himself as the four of them left Rivendell, in search of the runaway hobbit turned elf, leaving the weeping Lord of Rivendell and Glorfindel to each other's mercy…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

                Frodo yawned as he slowly woke up from his dreamlike state of mind that the elves often went through. He blinked his eyes to get his eyes adjusted to the dimness of his environments. He could barely see in front of him, when he saw a huge dark figure looming over him.

                Frodo almost screamed out in terror as a huge balrog scooped him up into its arms and carried him off like he was a baby. Frodo screamed and protested as loudly as he could so that someone would hear him and hopefully come to his aide.

                He instantly froze when he felt his Elven body hit the cold surface of icy waters. He gasped out in shock as a large burly claw came down on his head and began rubbing soap through his hair. Frodo tried to scream, but the only sounds coming out of his mouth was the gurgling of water.

                Frodo had never felt more violated as he did then when the huge balrog finished washing him off. He had never been this close to a balrog before and was basically scared shitless.

                When the large creature obviously finished its goal, it lifted Frodo up out of the giant water basin and wrapped an extra-large towel around his fragile figure after it set him on the ground. It picked up the shocked elf and began shaking him with all its might, just to dry him off. After most of the water droplets left the body of the elf, it roared right into his face, working as an instant blow-dryer. 

                Frodo squeezed his eyes shut, not only was the smell of the balrog's breath bad, but he was also afraid that the fiery roar might singe his precious hair.

                After Frodo sat there rubbing his eyes for 10 minutes, he could finally see straight again for the first time since he woke up. He stared up at the balrog and was utterly speechless.

                The giant black creature was wearing an apron! Frodo saw that he seemed to be inside some sort of house, a very large house. His eyes frantically searched for an exit, he soon found a door with a sigh over head that said, "Home is where the balrog is… especially Fuzzy!"  The thought of the phrase on the sign was enough to make Frodo sick. He quickly glanced over at the balrog, who was busy making something on the fire in a large pot, it smelled like vegetable stew to Frodo, but only God knew what it really was. 

                He was about to make his melodramatic 'Mission Impossible' style exit, when all of a sudden, Merlin, Sam, Speranza and Frodo burst through the door. But Frodo knew that it wasn't really Frodo, because he was really Frodo, it was just Legolas in Frodo's body.

                "YOU BASTARD!" Little Legolas screamed as he ran up to Frodo and began punching him on the leg, obviously not affecting the larger elf at all. 

                Frodo yawned and started speaking, "When he's finished, I'd like to leave. That balrog really gives me the creeps." He shuddered when he saw Speranza softly talking with the balrog, as if in deep conversation.  

                Merlin stepped in front of Frodo to block his exit. "I'm afraid you're not going anywhere…"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

                **Dun Dun Dunnnnnnnn ::hehe:: well that's the chapter! I have another contest thingy! Whoever can come up with the best way for Legolas and Frodo to switch back will have their idea in my story! THANKS!**


	13. The Last Chappy...

**Hello people…  I'm trying not to cry right now. But this story is finally over. This **is the last chapter. I hope you like it, please tell me if you like it or not… s'il vous plait? Oh yah… I liked Eve's idea for switching back… it was a really hard decision though! Sorry I only had to pick one. PLEASE R&R!!!****

Switching Places  
Chapter 13  
FINAL CHAPTER  
  
  


"Oh yeah?" Frodo challenged the old wizard, "And who's gonna make me?"

"I am," Legolas said boldly. "Just because you're in my body doesn't mean that you ARE me… you will never truly be at home in that body!"

Frodo laughed, "I think I already am little hobbit. I hope you have fun in that body for the rest of your life. I know I did while it lasted, but I sure am glad that I have my new body now."

Legolas fumed. _How dare this imposter think that he'll ever be at home in **my body?! He thought angrily. He glared up at Frodo, "I hope you have fun when you return to this body because I will ****not spend the rest of my life in this body!"**_

Frodo glared at the little hobbit and pretended to think, "Um… I think you will."

Legolas shook his head, he looked over at Fluffy, who was sitting in the corner next to Speranza. His eyes were silently pleading for help. Frodo was not cooperating with this situation and no one was making any sudden moves to help Legolas any. 

Frodo noticed this slight distraction in Legolas and slowly began to creep away. He was inching his way backwards, he didn't think that he was being noticed by anyone. But he was oblivious to the fact that there was a second balrog crouching behind him. He was feeling proud of himself, because he actually thought that he was succeeding in fleeing the scene. But he froze stiff when he felt the heat of the body behind him, and the feeling of a creature's breath on the back of his neck.

He slowly turned and stood face to face with a baby balrog. Even though the creature was obviously only a baby, the fierceness of its kind shone through its innocence.  Frodo whimpered when the balrog eyed him like he was dinner. He yelped when it grabbed him around the waist and gathered him into a huge bear hug... or rather, a huge 'balrog hug'. (A/N: ::hehe:: )

"AHHH! IT'S GONNA EAT ME!!!" Frodo screamed as the little balrog carried the scared elf over to its 'mommy/daddy'. (A/N: Remember, Fuzzy is asexual lol) 

The balrog cradled Frodo like he was a little baby as he squirmed and struggled to free himself of the grip of the balrog. The baby balrog screamed out in pain as Frodo sank his teeth into its hand. It instantly dropped Frodo and plopped down on the ground crying furiously while holding its hand. 

Frodo crawled away from the crying balrog as its mother/father went over to comfort it. But as the crying increased, the mommy balrog got madder. Frodo started to inch his way from the frightening balrog, for it was sending death glares right at him for hurting its child. 

Legolas laughed with glee as Fuzzy roughly grabbed Frodo by the foot and brought him close to its face. Fuzzy snorted in his face, causing Frodo to go limp from the stench. 

"FUZZY!" Speranza cried, "Put him down!"

"NO!" Merlin said, "Perhaps we could use this situation to our advantage." He hobbled over to the balrog that was holding the scared shitless Frodo, "If Fuzzy were to release you, would you voluntarily give that body back to Legolas?" 

Frodo shook his head defiantly, "No."

Merlin frowned slightly, "Would you rather me force you to do it? Or have Fuzzy eat you?"

Frodo thought for a second, before coming up with an answer, "I'd rather have Fuzzy eat me?"

"So be it!" Merlin said.

"NOOO!" Legolas yelped. "Don't let him eat my body! I want my freaking body back!"

Merlin inwardly growled, "Fine, then I'll just have to make you switch back!"

Frodo pouted. "Whatever. Doesn't look like I have a choice." He continued hanging there upside down, until the moment when Fuzzy decided to drop him right onto his head. "OOF!" He grunted as his head came in contact with the ground. He groaned as he sat up and rubbed his head while glaring at the innocent looking balrog.

Merlin grabbed Frodo's hand and forced him to stand up next to Legolas. 

Legolas just stood there and gazed up at his perfect Elven body. He couldn't believe how much he missed it. All he wanted to do was be back inside that strong, muscular, lean, sexy body of his… 

"Legolas!" Merlin snapped. "Can you please pay attention to understand what must be done?!"

"Yah, sorry." Legolas flushed.

Merlin gave the hobbit a warning look before starting over, "As I said, you must eat these magic lembas, after doing so, your bodily connection with your souls will falter, making it easy to remove them from your body. After that, you must run at each other at incredible speeds and butt heads to switch the souls!!!" He screamed melodramatically.

Legolas and Frodo stared blankly at the old wizard, before turning to each other and exchanging amused looks. The sound of Speranza clearing her throat distracted them and they looked over.

"Can you please continue on with this? I would like my husband back in **his body." Speranza said eagerly.**

Legolas smiled. _Me too. He thought._

Frodo and him waited a couple of minutes while Merlin rummaged through his bag, trying to find the magic lembas. Soon, he yelped in victory as he pulled a small green sac from his pack. "Behold! The magic lembas!" He cried.

Legolas rolled his eyes, "Could you **please just give them to us!" He said impatiently.**

Merlin scoffed at his remark, but decided to hurry up with the process. He had to have time to go back to Rivendell in time for _Jerry Springer. He gently placed one lemba into their open hands. _

Legolas shoved his lemba into his mouth and chewed vigorously. He looked over at Frodo, but wasn't surprised when he saw that Frodo hadn't eaten his lemba yet. "Come on, what are you waiting for?" He said, with his mouth full.

Frodo continued staring it, "What the hell…" He said, then crammed the delicious food into his mouth.

After all of the lembas had been consumed, they waited patiently until Merlin was ready to complete the switching process. 

Merlin walked over to one side of the room and ordered Legolas and Frodo to stand on opposite sides of the room. "When I say 'go'… you run as fast as you can towards the other person, and bang your heads together!"

Legolas and Frodo stood in their corners and stared at each other. Legolas was more than ready to switch back, but Frodo still had his doubts. 

"GO!"

golas sprinted as fast as he could towards the elf, as Frodo surprisingly did the same. 

They were just about to bang their heads together, when Frodo stopped and moved to the side, causing Legolas to crash into the wall behind him.

"YOINK!" He cried as he ran out of the balrog's little cave, never to be seen again…

THE END

**Legolas: HEY! Don't do that Amanda!!!**

**Me: Ya know what… it's my story, so I can do whatever the hell I want!**

**Legolas: But it's not fair, I want my body back! ::pouts::**

**Me: Oh well… I think it would be fun to see you live your life as a hobbit!**

**Legolas: Please… ::whispers in my ear::**

**Me: Oh hell yeah…**

****REVERSE****

"GO!"

Legolas sprinted as fast as he could towards the elf, as Frodo surprisingly did the same. The last thing they knew was the pain they felt as their heads connected with the others, before everything went black…

^^^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

2 days later  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Legolas groaned as he felt himself awakening in a big soft bed. He attempted to open his eyes, but squeezed them shut once the sunlight hit them. He rolled over on his side curled up in a ball. 

Speranza noticed the movement in her husband. She reached over and began shaking him, "Legolas? Legolas please wake up!"

"Whaat?" Legolas moaned. He blinked his eyes open and forced himself to get used to the sunlight. When he focused his eyes on his wife, she lit up in happiness and threw her arms around him.

He hugged her back, not knowing what she was so happy about. He absent mindedly spit out the piece of stray blond hair that was in his mouth. Then his eyes lit up with realization. He let go of his wife and looked down at his body, and was overjoyed to see that he had regained his perfect Elven body.  "OH MY GOD! I'M BACK!" He jumped up for joy and squeezed his wife laughing.

After he was settled down, he looked into her eyes. "Where's Frodo? I have to beat the shit outta that little…"

"Legolas. He's already taken care of." Speranza said smiling, thinking of the beating that Merlin, Fuzzy and Sam gave the poor hobbit after he woke up.

"But I wanted to do it myself." Legolas complained.

"Shut up," Speranza said teasingly. She leaned in and kissed her husband for the first time in a looong time. She reached up and stroked his cheek. "Hm… have you ever thought about growing a beard?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Somewhere far away

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Gimli, son of Gloin was wandering his cave, trying to cheer himself up. He had been depressed for the past couple of days. So he looked into the mirror and mumbled sadly to himself,

"I wish I could be an elf."

THE END… I swear this time

**Me: So Mr.Legolas… how did you like ****that ending?**

**Legolas: ::faints::**

**Me: Like it? Love it? Hate it? Please tell me in your reviews and tell me if you'd be interested in a sequel… ::evil laughter:: yah… just press the little button right down there… and tell me. S'il vous plait? J **

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